8/4/25

Hey! Hope this finds you and yours doing well. Sharing along an update on the health stuff - got some good news!

July 14th was my last chemo, completing 12 out of 12 infusions sandwiched around the liver surgery. I got to ring the bell and celebrate that milestone with the nurses and folks in the infusion room. There was a palpable sense of joy with those folks - we were all acutely aware of the journey to that point. Pic below with the nurses.

Perhaps sensing I was ready to be done, that last round of chemo punched above its weight. Recovery took a little bit longer and had some weird heart things pop up (nothing urgent though and monitoring it).

With the completion of the prescribed chemo and the liver surgery, it was time to do the PET scan last week, which would show us how everything looked (liver, lungs, colon, etc). It definitely stirred up some anxiety about what the scan would show. I've had enough scans at this point that didn't go so well! After a week of waiting, we met with the oncologist yesterday to review the results.

My oncologist is quite stoic and measured, making her difficult to read. But, after some initial checking in, she finally reported that the PET scan was clear! There is no evidence of cancer to be found in the scan. Feels pretty damn good to write that.

We discussed a maintenance plan moving forward to minimize the risk of recurrence and the "surveillance" plan (regular CT scans, blood work, etc.). We will also meet with our integrated medicine doctor later this week. As we've done all along, we will put all the information together and decide on the next steps ahead.

Strangely, it's been a mix of feelings since getting the news. Definitely a LOT of joy and happy tears as we celebrate a clear scan. And I'm also not sure if I've quite allowed myself to lean into that joy fully. I certainly have in moments, but it does feel like some of the usual fears are lurking in the shadows a bit. I suppose getting cleared of cancer a couple of times before creates a lens through which I experience this moment. Seeing all the anxieties and fears in myself, accepting those, breathing into them, and then easing my way back to right now has been important. I definitely don't get that right every time, but getting better at it.

One recognition that has been driven home for me through these multiple cancer experiences is to not get too attached to any certain outcome and focus more on my "process" for each day (or even each hour). On one hand, that can feel like protecting oneself from bad news, though I see that as more of an indirect benefit.

I do think for a bit about desired outcomes like truly being well and a joyous life. And, at my best, those outcomes are best utilized to inform how to LIVE each day, aligned with my values. When I'm focused in on being present, curious, humble, and loving (big parts of my "process"), I trust that wellness and joy will follow for me and those around me, even if it might take a bit.

I'm not the first person to land on this, with multiple wisdom traditions pointing to this insight for thousands of years. And there's something important about doing the work and taking the journey to that recognition versus reading it or being told about it.

I mostly say all this as a reminder to myself of how I want to live each day. From "incurable" 9 months ago to no signs of cancer on a PET scan yesterday...I'm full of joy in this moment. To be on this journey alongside and only through the support of my community (ALL of you) has been deeply rewarding and connecting. It has stirred up so much in me that I aim to carry forward into how I show up to each moment ahead. Speaking of...

I'll be celebrating this current moment and am so grateful to celebrate with you. Much gratitude and love for each of you...

Onward,

Matt