Theoretical Physics = Love?

I’m both fascinated and thoroughly confused by the field of theoretical physics. And even as I attempt to write about it here, I know I’ll shortchange the ideas and get some wrong or incomplete. But I do appreciate that about the act of writing - it reminds me of its own limitations and my own. Anyway…back to theoretical physics. 

From a layman's understanding, the field of theoretical physics points to ideas of profound interconnection of all matter and energy. Things like quantum entanglement which suggests ridiculously tiny particles, once in contact, remain linked even if separated by enormous distance. Or quantum field theory that points at a universe filled with interconnected, vibrating fields of energy where all particles are stimulated by these fields of energy….a vast but very interconnected and communicating system. And noting that we are a collection of those very same interconnected particles. 

I still can’t fully wrap my head around how theoretical physics pushes on “the illusion of time.” The idea that past, present and future exist simultaneously? That some notion of linear time is just a human construction? (I will say that my experience of the world has certainly shifted the more I think circularly rather than linearly.)

And it is called “theoretical” physics. The notion of theory, to me, suggests there is some inevitable mystery that eventually confounds it all. That mystery eventually puzzles any attempt at some ultimate clarity via formulas or language. It seems the assuredness of Newtonian Physics (you remember physics class right? F=ma?) eventually breaks down as things get really small or really big, falling into that mystery. But, yet, the field of theoretical physics still seems to take its best guesses, with the limited tools we have, to name or point to these mysterious ideas.

In previous writing, I’ve pointed at experiences of "resonance" I’ve felt amidst an internal knowing of love and, perhaps, “God” (to use the available, familiar, and still ultimately inadequate language I can access.) At one point, I described God as “that frequency and hum of love and communion.” That was me attempting, with the limited capacity of language, to describe these profound experiences and feelings I’ve been having in this cancer experience. And, to name again, I really don’t care what people call it, “God” or otherwise. 

I’ve been struck lately by how many seemingly disparate ideas seem to be merging. Maybe it’s evident, already, but I can’t help but connect my experiences of resonance with my limited understanding of theoretical physics. It’s hard for me to miss the similarities of theoretical physics’ interconnected fields of energy and vibration with my own lived experience of resonance and deep, communal love. 

And it all takes me back to an increasingly recurring thought…maybe all these thinkers, monks, prophets, teachers, seekers, pastors, physicists, etc. have always been pointing to the same deepest and mysterious truth with the best language and tools we have?

I remember struggling to read Walter Isaacson’s biography of Einstein and his work. But I found value in how Einstein crafted certain thought experiments using familiar ideas (like trains, platforms, and passengers) to convey really complex, unfamiliar ways of making sense of our experience….new ways of making sense that challenged the conventional wisdom of the time.

Doesn’t Buddhism do a version of the same thing, using metaphors to convey the idea of interbeing? Didn’t Jesus use the available language and concepts of his time to primarily tell relatable stories and parables, all pointing toward loving well? Weren’t they both trying to challenge the conventional wisdom and our ways of existing that inevitably pull us away from love / interconnection / resonance / reality / God? 

What if it’s all been about knowing and experiencing that deeply, connected field of vibration / love that is ALWAYS in us, surrounding us, holding us, connecting us, making us whole? And all these traditions and philosophies thrown together have been trying to offer some tools to connect us back to this deep source of resonance?

Of course, as part of being human, we get away from that resonant, mysterious love that we are born into and intuitively know as a kid. Looking back, I can see my more rational, linear and dualistic mind pulled me down certain paths that distanced me from that resonant love...including a love for myself, for others, and for my surroundings. That had me pretty focused on external things, something I still do all the time. I’ve built habits and a whole world of thinking, doing, and being that are pretty disconnected from that resonance. 

That’s where the disorienting experiences of cancer have been such a gift to me, both in my twenties and now later in life. The lead up to and eventual death of my Mom did the same thing. The experiences clear out the B.S. that otherwise can consume me. They have all reconnected me back to that resonant, deeply connecting love for others, self, and the present moment. In the moment I’m in now, the feelings and experience have been so visceral…as it has in those past moments. And I can see that I inevitably fall back into those habits and well-worn paths that generate distance, again, from that resonant love. But maybe I don’t return as deeply to those old habits though. 

And that’s also where I think religion, wisdom practices and art have been at their best. I think they were meant to remind us of that resonant love, to give us some tools, guides, communities and experiences that support us returning to that love, the same resonant, interconnected field we were born into and knew at one point. They can help us find presence and quiet the distracting noise. They elevate our love of, connection to, and service to others, particularly those most distant from that resonant love…compelling us to wise, love-fueled action.

And I firmly believe religion has gone horribly wrong when it makes us think or feel that either we or anyone else is anything short of deeply loved, whole, perfect and connected to everyone and everything. Organized religion isn’t immune to those same well-worn, egoic paths that distance us from resonant love. 

Another recognition through this ride with cancer has been to pay more attention to that felt experience of resonance…to notice it more often, to be noticed by it, to sit with it, and to, hopefully, move from that foundation more often. As much as my deepest self wishes, this life journey can’t be just some intellectual, rational, linear experience (yes, I see all the words I’ve written here!). There’s so much wisdom to be found beyond all that. I like Marcus Borg’s definition of spirituality as the “experiential dimension of religion” - we need more of that in the equation too. 

A recent gathering. You can almost see the interconnected particles!

So here I find myself, circling around again and again in this life experience…getting moments of really knowing, experiencing, and moving from that resonant love and interconnected field of vibration….then losing it again…then finding it again…then maybe not losing it as much. Gathering with family, friends or a community who cares about this stuff helps me reconnect. Silence, meditation, and prayer help me reconnect. And those spaces remind me it’s not about striving for that re-connection, but, rather, falling back into that resonant love. It turns out that it’s always there, waiting for me and us. 

I’ve found myself in the last few years really looking at the question of where does this all point? 

I believe the journey of this life experience to death is to eventually return to that place of finally and fully knowing and experiencing that perfect, interconnected, mysterious, resonant love and vibration...once again. We can wait until that last 5 minutes before death to experience some of that resonant love, or maybe the last few years before death. 

Or maybe we can quiet some of the distractions and allow ourselves to fall toward knowing and feeling that resonant love tomorrow? (That is, if tomorrow isn’t already happening? Oof…might need the theoretical physicist to help me out with that one.)

Grateful to be connected to you,

Matt

"Our limited minds cannot grasp the mysterious force that sways the constellations." - Einstein

PS...I'm figuring out some of the blog settings as I go here. I think I've fixed it to make it easier to leave comments. So let me know what any of this kicks up for you!