Lungs and cafeterias

I was at MD Anderson on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week for a CT scan, lab work, and meetings with the oncologist and pulmonologist. Consistent with the nature of metastatic colon cancer, cancer activity continues to pop up. For me, that is currently in my left lung. 

My right lung was where I had ~40% removed, and I’ve had a “bronchoscopic microwave ablation” done on one lesion in my left lung. Both of those seem to be doing / have done what we hoped they would. 

And, as seen before, there are more lesions in my left lung, two of which have grown into something we now need to pay attention to. In a discussion with my oncologist, we’ve landed on a clinical trial that is designed to help my immune system build its own capacity to eliminate these pesky cancer cells that keep forming new lesions. That will have me going back and forth to Houston every 3 weeks for an infusion, lab work, and a check-in with the doctors running the trial. Then we will do a CT scan every 9 weeks to see how things are looking. 

So that’s the plan. All in all, the visit was good in that there were no real surprises. The lesions are contained within my lung at this point, though we know that represents active cancer in my body. I feel good about the trial because we are trying to do something about the root cause of my issue – an immune system that is unable to fend off these cancer cells to date – versus just reacting to each lesion as they pop up. 

With this visit, I was better at not getting attached to some outcome in advance. I’m more focused on a process – I’m doing good things for my body and feeding my spirit. I’ll wake up and do that again tomorrow. 

That’s not to say some big fears didn’t peak around the corner a few times in the past 2-3 weeks. As many of you know, these CT scans and check-in’s can be a little harrowing. I don’t have the best history with these!

But here I am. Here we are. 

Again, the cancer experience brings its gifts too. A visit to MD Anderson can open my eyes again to things I would miss otherwise. 

In between doctor visits, I went to the cafeteria on the first floor. I’m sure some of you know this spot. It looks like a typical cafeteria – various food options, a few check-out stations, and some tables packed into a nondescript white-walled room. I went with the “be well” menu of roast chicken, broccoli and rice casserole, and baked carrots. Not too bad. 

I started to look at my phone while I ate, but then decided to just look around. And actually see. 

Across from me was a young woman (early 20s-ish) and what I’m guessing was her Mom. The Mom was in a wheelchair and had clearly been knocked down by treatments. She had lost most of her hair, and was lacking energy. The daughter slowly fed her lunch, one bite at a time. It was beautiful. 

Two adult sons, at least in their forties, were making their way to a table with what I’d assume was their Dad. One was pushing his wheelchair, while the other carried a backpack (supplies for the day I’m guessing) and their food. The village rallying around the Dad.

The server who gave me my meal was a young woman, and she was all smiles. She and her coworker had been laughing when I walked up. It was infectious. As I looked back toward them while I ate, I could still hear her laughing.

Accompanied by an IV pole that was full of bags and instruments, a young mother in her hospital gown was sitting to eat with her husband and two young kids. I’d guess she was staying at the hospital, probably recovering from a surgery or procedure. And they were still making the most of a family meal amidst less than ideal circumstances. The kids were clearly enjoying their Chick-Fil-A and bouncing around the dining room. 

It all just grabbed me. I didn’t know any of those people, but I felt so very close to them at that moment. Their joy was my joy. Their struggles were my struggles. 

I couldn’t help but think that this plays out around me all the time. But how often do I actually pay attention enough to see it? Where does my attention go instead? 

I think we need to be careful with our attention. This coming week, and every week, will offer a lot of things competing for your attention and mine. Plenty of alluring, dopamine-inducing and/or outrage-fueling distractions. 

I want to work on directing my attention toward the things that connect us…want to try that with me? If so, let me know how it goes.

Grateful to be divinely interconnected with each of you.

Matt

Including a picture from a previous visit to MD Anderson. My sister, Alicia, and 3 of my 4 nieces and nephew. Alicia has been a remarkably steadying presence throughout this entire journey. Always grateful for her and her crew...